In Central London you would see at least 50 guys within 1000 metres. If you’re using a location based dating app in Slough, Pickering or any other small town, your nearest guy may be half a mile away and then the others would be further. Gay dating wasn’t killed – it never existed how many men do you know who date? At least in 2018, we have the technology to help us learn – if we want to. Although many gay men find partners, the idea of meeting to get to know each other and start relationships never developed in our community, it was never the ‘norm’. In the end, they shunned the physical community as they found quicker routes to the sex they wanted without even leaving the house. But with the explosion of Gaydar and, later, Grindr, it allowed men to be overtaken by their hormones and reduce their interactions with each other to purely sexual.
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If that had all been left to develop, I think gay society would have matured and blossomed and, possibly, men could have learnt how to date and be in relationships. The London gay scene exploded in the 1980’s with bars, cafes and shops where men could meet each other and be themselves without having to live undercover and in secrecy.
The London way would be to pretend you’re cool with no more than sex and remain alone. Perhaps it’s not a case of Gay Londoners not settling because they’re too picky, rather they’re terrified and just don’t know how to go about starting a relationship? It’s scary to stick your neck out and say to someone you like ‘ actually, I really like you, I want to get to know you and have more than just sex’. With very little real life social skills among the under 30’s (who have been brought up with smart phones glued to their hands), the idea of having a phone conversation let alone actually meeting someone new for a date, has become quite scary and drastic- that means leaving the protection of Tindr/ Instagram (all happy faces, holiday snaps and perfect lives ) and it seems when guys do meet it’s for a quick shag with no talking. They now prefer to sit home alone in the glow of their screens while gay venues close. This is not helped by the fact that gay Londoners have decided that they no longer need a ‘gay community’ or any physical bars or places to meet with each other face to face. Gay men (as well as the straights) may well be able to chat with hundreds of other guys in the same city – but they are lonelier than ever. The gay speed dating events which I’ve been running for the last 12 years have never been busier and I keep hearing the same thing ‘I can’t find a partner, nobody wants to go on dates.’ So if everyone is lonely but at the same time, nobody wants to go on dates, what’s going on?ĭating apps and smart phones have rewired our brains, reduced our concentration spans and our ability to interact socially and left us constantly checking our screens, in case there’s someone better.
But that can end up as a vicious circle as guys get stuck in a sex rut. But in the meantime, they remain alone, using sex to provide a kind of intimacy and mask loneliness. The huge volume of gay men in London may be part of the problem – it leads us to think that we have unlimited options there’s no hurry, I’ll wait for someone better/ taller/ richer etc. With gay men tripping over each other in the streets – you would think there would be no need for dating apps surely it should be easy to find a partner? It seems not. That works out at around 70 gay men for every square mile. A 2017 survey revealed around 45000 gay men live in Greater London. They come because they can be themselves in a tolerant city, meet others like themselves and start exciting new lives. London and it’s gay centric industries such as fashion, art and theatre have always been a gay magnet, attracting men from other UK cities as well as Europe and the wider world. What makes Gay Londoners think they have endless dating options and why do they think they can afford to be so fussy? But rather than taking the plate and trying the dish, they’re just sticking their finger in for a quick taste as it passes by, while they continue to sit there alone and single. If you don’t like the look of what’s in front of you, no problem, there’s another and another and another all queued up behind.
I liken the dating mentality of Gay Londoners to a sushi restaurant conveyor belt.